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So what did I smother it in

(per 100g): Calories 270, Carbs 6.2, Sugar 2.3, Fat 27, Sat Fat 2.7, Salt 1.8

General Finishes QTHF High Performance Water Based Topcoat, 1 Quart, Flat Minwax 22110 1/2 Pint Provincial Wood Finish Interior Wood Stain General Finishes Flat Out Flat Topcoat, Quart Miss Mustard Seed's Milk Paint French Enamel 30g Old Fashioned Milk Paint Non-VOC Powder Paint, 1 Pint, Sea Green Pro-Clean Basics White T-Shirt Cloth Rags: 1 lb

Or something along those lines that will go with the trim

This creamy homemade ranch dressing is better than the bottled ranch dressing you find in the grocery store